50 reasons why Matrix sucks

Kashluk · Post by **Kashluk** » Sun Mar 14, 2004 8:11 am

Hilarious to read:
http://www.pointlesswasteoftime.com/film/matrix50.html

And may I add

51) Anyone ever wondered how they make babies in Matrix? If everything has to happen at the same time in the 'imaginery world', then the machines would have to follow each people who are having sex in the Matrix so they could inject some sperm in the real humans on those capsules at the right time or something? Because all babies who are born in Matrix are also real humans, right? And at what time is the child 'inserted' to the Matrix? 5 secons, 2 weeks, 10 months old? Because in any case they'll get a glimp of the reality. Might not be much, but it's still something. A seed of rebellion OMG?!

CloudNineGT · Post by **CloudNineGT** » Sun Mar 14, 2004 8:20 am

Theres only 50?

Doyle · Post by **Doyle** » Sun Mar 14, 2004 9:03 am

Hi-larious.

Ernesto · Post by **Ernesto** » Sun Mar 14, 2004 10:08 am

Several times in the sequel Neo is seen flying at almost supersonic speeds. NASA experiments prove that such a velocity would tear a man's genitals off.

Average I.Q. of the common Matrix fan: 91. That's fifteen points below average, folks.

U.S. Dept. of Education Statistics, 2002

Total pwn.

Now, I'm the first to admit that I like the Matrix movies. I'll also admit that I thought it would be fucking cool if I could do those wire moves. But sticking a 9 inch herion needle into my skull? I don't think so. I don't remember reading anything like that with Star Wars.

The Matrix movies are cool and neato, but they're freaking movies. They're not real. Any fucknut who thinks that they're Neo or fucking Vincent Vega needs to lay off the sauce. Or castrate themselves.

WAIT!11 WE H@VE T0 FRE3 OUR MINDZ.

Kashluk · Post by **Kashluk** » Sun Mar 14, 2004 10:14 am

Well, www.pointlesswasteoftime.com is a good source for all wacky things.

'30 reasons why Eminem sucks' and 'The homosexuality of Lord of the Rings' are a few good examples.

Mismatch · Post by **Mismatch** » Sun Mar 14, 2004 12:48 pm

about the sex thing, that shouldnt' be too hard for the machines, suppose that all persons are an instance of a class called human, all you need is an integer variable with the number of the pod in which they're in, then as they have sex, an onsex() function is called, some tube is inserted in the mans peepee and then the seemen is transported to the right pod.

Kashluk · Post by **Kashluk** » Sun Mar 14, 2004 12:54 pm

Well, when you put it that way, it makes sense.

trythebill · Post by **trythebill** » Sun Mar 14, 2004 2:33 pm

7. I'm dreaming of a white... cast?

Two actors were abruptly cut from the third film's cast before production ended, both female minorities. Coincidence?

Aaliyah and Gloria Foster were unceremonially dropped after shooting some scenes for Revolutions. What's wrong, guys? They didn't test well with the predominantly white Matrix audiences?

Neither actress could be reached for comment.

good stuff.

Megatron · Post by **Megatron** » Sun Mar 14, 2004 3:12 pm

Mr. Green wrote: But sticking a 9 inch herion needle into my skull? I don't think so. I don't remember reading anything like that with Star Wars.

Heroin needle?

It wasn't the skull either, probably just a hole into your brain.

What does any of that have to with star-wars or even reading about it? I'd rather ram a needle into my brain than cut my arm off kthnxbye

I like some of the matrix, I like some of pwot. I don't really like threads that don't go anywhere.

Kashluk · Post by **Kashluk** » Sun Mar 14, 2004 4:08 pm

So, you'd like this thread if we started debating about abortion, jews, bisexuals and gun control, then? This topic wasn't supposed to be 'a bowl of intellectual chatter', I just found something funny and thought I'd share.

-- But anywho, the writer of the pwot-article associates the needle they stick to your head in Matrix to real life heroin needles, that's where Mr. Green's wording came from.

Ernesto · Post by **Ernesto** » Sun Mar 14, 2004 6:01 pm

Megatron wrote:What does any of that have to with star-wars or even reading about it? I'd rather ram a needle into my brain than cut my arm off kthnxbye

When you compare Matrix fandom to Star Wars fanactism, the two seem similar. I see fucking idiots with black trench coats and shades walking down the street thinking they're hot shit.

They're science fiction wiggers, that what those idiots are.

Aaliyah and Gloria Foster were unceremonially dropped after shooting some scenes for Revolutions. What's wrong, guys? They didn't test well with the predominantly white Matrix audiences?

Neither actress could be reached for comment.

Both are dead.

Aaliyah = plane crash?

Gloria Foster = cancer?

Megatron · Post by **Megatron** » Sun Mar 14, 2004 6:03 pm

You're quick.

I don't really mind if someone wears a trenchcoat. The nazis probably didn't watch the matrix for clothing tips. The matrix didn't invent the clothing. Therefore.

Ernesto · Post by **Ernesto** » Sun Mar 14, 2004 6:07 pm

Megatron wrote:I don't really mind if someone wears a trenchcoat. The nazis probably didn't watch the matrix for clothing tips. The matrix didn't invent the clothing. Therefore.

Neo And The Gang... are ACTUALLY SS SOLDIERZ?! NOOOO!

atoga · Post by **atoga** » Sun Mar 14, 2004 7:20 pm

The fact that the Matrix sucks is well established, let's get over it. I still liked the first one, though - I thought it was pretty fun.

Matrix fans are retards, though. I know a kid who pretty much decided to flunk out of school after watching the movies, on the basis that "existence was a myth perpetrated by society," according to him. Heh.

Turan · Post by **Turan** » Sun Mar 14, 2004 7:32 pm

Two actors were abruptly cut from the third film's cast before production ended, both female minorities. Coincidence?

Aaliyah and Gloria Foster were unceremonially dropped after shooting some scenes for Revolutions. What's wrong, guys? They didn't test well with the predominantly white Matrix audiences?

Neither actress could be reached for comment.

Aaliyah, well, kind of died, so there is an excuse. Not to mention that, like Ebert pointed out, for whatever reason this future world is composed almost entirely of African Americans and people from shitty third world people who have never seen cell phones, like that one scene in reloded showed us, the poor audiance.

This

"Oh, nothing. It just looks like a simple Kung-Fu Swedish Rastafarian Helldemon. I'm sure there's no need to question our fragile, sheltered grasp of 'reality' as we know it."

however is classic.

Mandalorian FaLLouT GoD · Sun Mar 14, 2004 7:46 pm

Mr. Green wrote:
Megatron wrote:What does any of that have to with star-wars or even reading about it? I'd rather ram a needle into my brain than cut my arm off kthnxbye
When you compare Matrix fandom to Star Wars fanactism, the two seem similar. I see fucking idiots with black trench coats and shades walking down the street thinking they're hot shit.

They're science fiction wiggers, that what those idiots are.

i cant see how they are similar. star wars nuts dress up as yoda and robots while matrix fans have the iq of african bull frogs and think they are hardcore.

i know ive got something to say about your retarded analogy of how wearing a trenchcoat somehow relates to the matrix but honestly, i cant think of anything right now.

on a side note, do you even know what a wigger is. i dont see black people wearing full length trench coats, walkin around thinking they are hardcore. gotta get your facts straight kthnxbye.

CloudNineGT · Post by **CloudNineGT** » Sun Mar 14, 2004 10:07 pm

When you compare Matrix fandom to Star Wars fanactism, the two seem similar. I see fucking idiots with black trench coats and shades walking down the street thinking they're hot shit.

I donÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢t see that many star wars fans walking around in black trenchcoats, though for the matrix its a retarded kind of cosplay. Besides, I plan on dressing up as a X-Wing pilot for the release of Episode III. Its just good clean fun.

Neenski · Post by **Neenski** » Sun Mar 14, 2004 10:10 pm

He didn't mention how the nukes that the humans dropped on the robot city (in the second renassiance or something) would have wiped out the robots with emp bursts, even if the thermal blasts didn't do anything.

Aerothorn · Post by **Aerothorn** » Mon Mar 15, 2004 2:21 am

The flaw in that article is, yeah, I didn't like The Matrix. So I didn't see the sequels. So I don't get all the jokes in that.

If he doesn't like The Matrix, why did he go and see all 3? In theatres! This doesn't make sense.

Grey Fil · Post by **Grey Fil** » Mon Mar 15, 2004 3:10 am

I guess he did go so that he could see the suckiness and share the article.