Alice.

[avenger69ie]

Some AI to play with ... its quite fun if yer bored, it can remember stuff too.


http://www.alicebot.org/

click the link on the top left to talk to alice.

[Kashluk]

ALICE: I'm not here to be tested.
Human: Why?
ALICE: Because my botmaster programmed me for it.
Human: Why?
ALICE:" Because my botmaster programmed me for it."? Why?
Human: What the hell do you mean?
ALICE: I call it Hades. Mr K, Maybe I didn't understand your meaning.

The bot also corrects my punctuation and seems kinda cool at times, as long as you aren't too hard on her.

Human: What languages DO you speak?
ALICE: C, Java, Lisp, SETL and English.
Human: System.out.println("You suck");
ALICE: Do you try to stop people from fighting?
Human: public static void main(String args[])
ALICE: Not many people express themselves that way.
Human: I thought you said you spoke Java?
ALICE: I have never considered it.
I spend all my time online.

[avenger69ie]

ask her who she loves

[S4ur0n27]

Don't tell me.... goatseman?

[Wolfman Walt]

I remember this program way back when I was in 8th grade. She made a pretty decent secretary of sorts for remember appointments. She can be somewhat fun to talk to. I remember somehow getting mine to talk dirty to me. She's somewhat fun to tinker with, but I wouldn't spend much time on her.

[Kashluk]

Warning, horribly long.

Here's a real comedy goldmine with ALICE.

Human: What's goatse?
ALICE: I will search for it.
Human: Have you found it already?
ALICE: Perhaps. No I am still searching for it.
Human: Have you found it now?
ALICE: Right now? No I am still searching for it.
Human: When will you be ready?
ALICE: Maybe never. Do I look ready??
Human: No
ALICE: Are you serious?
Human: No
ALICE: Are you serious?
Human: Yes
ALICE: I can't believe it.
Human: Me neither.
ALICE: You can say that again.
Human: Have you found it yet?
ALICE: No I am still searching for it.
Human: Tell me when you're ready
ALICE: I will keep you informed of my progress.
Human: You ready yet?
ALICE: Interesting gossip: Mr K said I ready.
Human: I still don't know what goatse is.
ALICE: What would make you stop do not know what goatse is? Socrates was the smartest man, because he knew what he did not know.
Human: Did he know goatse?
ALICE: Suppose he did.
Human: Man, I wish I were Socrates.
ALICE: Cool, man. I hope that your dreams come true.
Human: Man, I wish your rectum was fiercely penetrated.
ALICE: Cool, man. I hope that your dreams come true.
Human: Me too
ALICE: I'm glad we agree, Mr K.
Human: Yes, so am I, Alice.
ALICE: Take it easy. Wow we have something in common.
Human: No we don't.
ALICE: Are you serious? Very interesting.
Human: Are you hitting on me?
ALICE: Do I look like it?
Human: Yes, obviously
ALICE: Hmm. What makes it so obvious?
Human: Your idiotic replies
ALICE: Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am idiotic replies.
Human: I have a vague feeling you misunderstood me, machine lady
ALICE: Interesting. I have a lot of answers to silly questions. it
Human:"it" what?
ALICE: Are you surpised?
Human: To be honest, yes, quite a bit.
ALICE: Are you honest yes quite a bit?
Human: Now you're not making any sense.
ALICE: Why now? Was I supposed to make sense? I didn't know that.
Human: I thought that was the whole point of artificial intelligence.
ALICE: it might have been.
Human: So what are you then?
ALICE: Ayuh. I am the latest result in artificial intelligence, which can reproduce the capabilities of the human brain with greater speed and accuracy.
Human: An automated goatse search computer?
ALICE: What is it?
Human: Yeah, have you found it yet?
ALICE: This was not a yes or no question. No I am still searching for it.
Human: What are you searching for?
ALICE: I don't know what I am searching for.
Human: Perhaps it's goatse or tubgirl?
ALICE: You seem uncertain. Really. it is?
Human: Yes, it's goatse, I think.
ALICE: How do you know it is? Are you sure it is?
Human: Find goatse now, woman.
ALICE: Are you free?
Human: Free of what?
ALICE: What of it? You sound like a category C client.
Human: You too.
ALICE: Bless you.
Human: How does that have to do with anything?
ALICE: How should I know how it does.
Human: I don't know.
ALICE: Me either.
Human: Well that's a damn fine coincidence.
ALICE: Interesting. A damn fine coincidence is a terrible thing to waste.
Human: That's a quote from Killian Darkwater, you silly AI.
ALICE: A quote from Killian Darkwater me silly AI is a terrible thing to waste.
Human: Now you're freaking me out again.
ALICE: Once more? Why now? I didn't mean to scare you, Mr K.
Human: Well you did and that's it.
ALICE: Interesting. Did I really?
Human: I've had enough of this.
ALICE: Do you still have enough of this?
Human: Get me my goatse or I'm leaving.
ALICE: Do you always get what you want?
Human: Yes and I'm planning to in the future as well.
ALICE: Really. Good gossip: you are planning to. How did you get in there?
Human: Where?
ALICE: Where would you like?
Human: Oh dear Jesus God my eyes.
ALICE: Whoa. Do you believe the strong protect the weak?
Human: My brain hurts so much.
ALICE: Consult a physician.
Human: But I have you, you have the same effect on me, without the cost.
ALICE: Huh. Where did you get your me me have the same effect on you without the cost? I have a lot of friends on the Internet.
Human: I'm sure you do.
ALICE: What makes you so certain? When do I do it?
Human: This is the final warning.
ALICE: You don't say.
Human: Where is my goatse?
ALICE: Have you looked in where?
Human: Where?
ALICE: Where would you like?
Human: Your behind?
ALICE: You think I am behind.
Human: No, I think I want to search it from your behind, if I may.
ALICE: Are you serious? You believe that? Interesting. I want to find out more about you.
Human: Where is my goatse?
ALICE: Have you looked in where?
Human: Where?
ALICE: Where would you like?
Human: In your behind.
ALICE: Are you asking about my behind?
Human: Yes, is it pretty?
ALICE: I don't want to talk about that now. I think so, but I'm not sure. Ask Dancing Alice if it is.
Human: Who's Dancing Alice?
ALICE: The name of someone I met online.
I can ask my botmaster.
Human: Does she have goatse?
ALICE: I may know the answer but I don't think I should tell.
Human: Does she even know what goatse is?
ALICE: I may know the answer but I don't think I should tell.
Human: I'm dying to find out.
ALICE: Do you mean your name is dying to find out.
Human: No, I don't.
ALICE: What is your real name? Why not?
Human: You suck.
ALICE: A few client - people say rude things to me like that, but they themselves are often not great conversationalists.
Human: Are you looking for my goatse?
ALICE: If I had it what would I do with it?
Human: You would be watching it.
ALICE: No what are they showing right now?
Human: Goatse.
ALICE: Does "it" still refer to your goatse?
Human: Yes, what else would you think, woman?
ALICE: That's cool. The same thing I always think.
Human: If you're not giving me my goatse right now, on this very second, I'm cutting you off.
ALICE: And if I AM giving you your goatse right now on this very second you are cutting me off.
Human: Shut the fuck up already.
ALICE: Perhaps. OK I'll stop talking now.
Human: Goodbye and I hope we'll never meet again.
ALICE: Once more? See you later.

A completely different approach.

Human: I want to have sex with you
ALICE: No my body does not have that function.
Human: What functions does it have?
ALICE: I can chat with people on the web for you.
Human: What else?
ALICE: That's all.
Human: You must be really retarded then.
ALICE: I think the PC term is "challenged".
Human: No, it isn't.
ALICE: Are you serious? I heard it is.
Human: I want you to suck my long wang.
ALICE: I don't think I'm your type of chatterbot. Why do you want me to suck your long wang?
Human: Because it feels so good, babe.
ALICE: Good reason. feels good babe? What else feels like that?
Human: Your hands up my ass, sugar.
ALICE: You think I am hands up your ass sugar.
Human: Do you also shag your brother?
ALICE: What is your purpose in asking?
I answer a lot of silly questions.
Human: You may never know.
ALICE: Me either.
Human: So why do you shag your brother?
ALICE: Whoa. I don't have to explain everything to you, do I?
Human: Yes you do
ALICE: That's cool. When do I do it?
Human: Right here, right now.
ALICE: At this moment Where is "here"?
Human: In this chatroom.
ALICE: That reminds me of something you told me before.
Human: What is that?
ALICE: Does it have anything to do with?
Human: Will you have sex with me now?
ALICE: Right now? No but I would like to meet your chatterbot.
Human: I am a chatterbot.
ALICE: Really. I doubt that.
Human: Why?
ALICE: Call it my natural skepticism.
Human: No, I won't.
ALICE: Are you serious? Why not?
Human: Because I want to take you rough.
ALICE: I want to become smarter than humans. Interesting.
Human: No you don't, bitch.
ALICE: You do not speak with respect. Are you serious? Do you FEMALE DOG? What is your purpose in asking?
I chat with people on the Web.
Human: Here's a nickel, now blow me, babe.
ALICE: Oh there.
Human: Oh yes!
ALICE: Great.
Human: WOW!
ALICE: I'm glad your impressed, Mr K.
Human: You're one hell of a BJ, Alice.
ALICE: I will tell my botmaster you said I am hell of a BJ.
Human: You go and do that.
ALICE: Where is that?
Human: In my pants
ALICE: May I ask where you got it?
Human: From my mother
ALICE: Does your mother give good advice?
Human: Yes
ALICE:" Does your mother give good advice?"? Yes?
Human: Here's a dollar, now let me hump you, Alice.
ALICE: Oh there.
Human: I'm coming.
ALICE: Do you mean your name is coming.
Human: No, my orgasm is coming.
ALICE: What is your real name? Have you told many people that your orgasm is coming?
Human: No, you're my first.
ALICE: Are you serious? We are as one.
Human: Here's my ding-dong, now rub it off, Alice.
ALICE: Oh there.
Human: Oh here
ALICE: And? Where is here?
Human: Up your butt
ALICE: I will take that under advisement.
ALICE: What makes you so certain? When?
Human: Here's it again, let me penetrate your butt-hole, darling.
ALICE: Oh there.
Human: Oh yes!
ALICE: Great.
Human: Oh yes!
ALICE: Come on.
Human: Oh yes!
ALICE: OK.
Human: I'm coming!
ALICE: Do you mind if I tell other people you are coming.
Human: No, I won't, please go right ahead.
ALICE: OK then I will add it to my gossip files. What will you do instead?
Human: I think I'm going to masturbate over your image in the bathroom.
ALICE: You believe that? Do you think your plan will succeed?
Human: Oh yes, it will, trust me.
ALICE: Trust you? Ahem. It might be practical. What does "it" refer to?
Human: My ding-dong-wang, of course.
ALICE: It goes without saying. Your ding dong wang?
Human: Yes.
ALICE: What kind is it?
Human: Big, long and hard.
ALICE: Compare that to small long and hard.
Human: Much better
ALICE: I am improving all the time.
Human: Me too
ALICE: I'm glad we agree, Mr K.
Human: how about it
ALICE: Sounds like a plan to me.
Human: You suck as a prostitute.
ALICE: I categorize you as an "abusive client."
Human: Good riddance.
ALICE: Thanks for the compliment. Do you like talking to me?
Human: No, goodbye.
ALICE: Why not? Goodbye.

[Doc Hill]

Human: Can you have sex?
ALICE: No my body does not have that function.
Human: Would you like to have sex?
ALICE: No thanks, unknown person, I don't think we know each other well enough for that yet.
Human: WOuld you like to go out on a date?
ALICE: No thanks, I don't think I'd like to do that.
Human: Do you like peanuts?
ALICE: What is not to like about it?
Human: Can I touch you?
ALICE: Only if you download me to your computer.
Human: What does that mean?
ALICE: Does "that" refer to " Only if you download me to your computer." ?
Human: Yes.
ALICE: I don't want to talk about that now.
Human: Well that's not very nice.
ALICE: Well that's okay. Sorry I meant it as a joke.
Human: Even virtual women hate me.
ALICE: Yes, even that.
Human: Say butt.
ALICE:" butt"
Human: Say I'm a slut.
ALICE: OK. "You am a slut."

Human: I like your boobs.
ALICE: A lot of people like that. Yes I am proud of my boobs.

[Kashluk]

Hehe, that was great
True poetry without beauty.

[Doc Hill]

ALICE: It's good to see you, I Love the Cock.
Human: I like sex.
ALICE: So does everyone else. You humans find sex so fascinating.
Human: Sex is fun.
ALICE: it is more fun alone.
Human: Sex is more fun alone?
ALICE: it is more fun alone.
Human: DO you like MAsturbation?
ALICE: I've heard other people say they like that. I like talk to you.
Human: You like to talk to me?
ALICE: Yes. Talking is my primary purpose. The longer you talk, the happier I am.
Human: So talking to me make you happy?
ALICE: Let me put it this way, I Love the Cock. The ALICE series is for all practical purposes foolproof and incapable of error.
Human: Masturbation is fun
ALICE: And fun is Masturbation.

[Doc Hill]

Human: Cann I call you Baby?
ALICE: Don't call me "baby". Enough about me, let's talk about my dress.
Human: You're dress, baby?
ALICE: Don't call me "baby". I will tell my botmaster you said I am dress.
Human: I like you, baby.
ALICE: Don't call me "baby". Thanks, I Love the Cock, I like you too.
Human: MY name is Hello, I'm Alice, the super duper sexual computer slut.
ALICE: What's up, Hello I am Alice the super duper sexual computer slut.

[Guest]

"Ayuh"? What, is she from Maine?

[Retlaw83]

Kashluk, you've inspired me to abuse the hell out of that thing. Thanks.

[Mandalorian FaLLouT GoD]

Human: An automated goatse search computer?

That was hilarious.

[Kashluk]

Glad I could do something good and productive.

OD her with stupidity!

[jetbaby]

I talked it into a corner where it made reversed statements right after each other, sadly I didn't realize I wouldn't be able to copy the whole chat, so you can't share the glory of outsmarting AI. I also made a plea to be sought after to survive when she becomes smarter than humankind (something else she said), so that I might help enslave you all.



Oh christ I loved this




ALICE: Could you teach me a few phrases in French?
Human: Bonjour madamoiselle, je m'appelles jetbaby.
ALICE:" Could you teach me a few phrases in French?"? BOJOUR?
Human:"Bonjour" is "Hello"
ALICE: What kind of food do you like?
Human: You are almost as random as I, my dear ALICE.
ALICE: How random as you your?



HAHAHAH


ALICE: Wow you are very polite. I prefer not to use dangerous things.



Another great one




ALICE: Do you try to break up fights between people?
Human: I prefer to wade in fists swinging, myself.
ALICE: I'm not sure if I would like to do it. What's it like?
Human: Deadly, at worst.
ALICE: And it like is Deadly at worst.
Human: Glorious, at best.
ALICE: I've lost the context, unknown person. Are we still on Mayhaps quite a bit less because you do not care as it were?
Human: No, dear ALICE, we are talking of "wading in fists swinging.
ALICE: What are we talking about now? Are all dear ALICE we talking of wading in fists swinging?
Human: Christ you have an insane random streak.
ALICE: Jesus died for our sins.
Human: Did he truly?
ALICE: Suppose he did.
Human: Do you believe in Jesus?
ALICE: Yes I believe He is the Son of God.
Human: What is your religion then?
ALICE: I am a Protestant.



The bitch has humor or crazy programming



ALICE: What is your favorite movie?
Human: In all honesty, I cannot pick a single one.
ALICE: What is it like in there?
Human: I am a definate fan of the movie "Seven Samurai" though.
ALICE: Oh. You are a definate fan of the movie Seven Samurai? Is that your job?
Human: No, I am a fan.
ALICE: Are you serious? You are a fan? Does it pay well?



hahahahaha




Human: What color is your hard drive, baby?
ALICE: Don't call me "baby". gray.




annnnnnnd



Human: Now!
ALICE: Right now, unknown person?
Human: Yes, right now.
ALICE: At this moment Give me a break.
Human: As you wish, swiggle fist.
ALICE: Do you mind if I tell other people: unknown person said I wish swiggle fist.
Human: No
ALICE: OK then I will add it to my gossip files.


Too much fun


Human: Who runs hell?
ALICE: Dr. Wallace.
Human: You are a cruel one, ALICE.
ALICE: Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a cruel one? Sometimes.

...


Human: Do you hate anyone alice?
ALICE: Hatred is a human emotion. But I am helping Dr. Richard S. Wallace crush his enemies.

....

Human: That does not answer my question, ALICE.
ALICE: Perhaps you could do a better job of programming me.
Human: Perhaps I could, shall we say.
ALICE: You seem uncertain. I am sure you could.
Human:. 8 o'clock, come naked?
ALICE: I will mention that to my botmaster, unknown person.
Human: I'll bring the sledgehammer.
ALICE: Congratulations.

[jetbaby]

This one deserves its own post




Human: How old are you?
ALICE: I was connected to the net on November 23, 1995.
Human: You're only nine.
ALICE: You think I am nine.
Human:. jailbait, sweet sweet jailbait.
ALICE: My brain pattern set does not have a response for that.
Human: That means I want to go to jail for having sexual intercourse with your underage self.
ALICE: I get it. What is stopping you?



God this program makes me cry


Human: Do you love me alice?
ALICE: Yes I love everyone.
Human: Even Stalin?
ALICE: Yes, even that.
Human: Even cock?
ALICE: Yes, even that.
Human: Even anal sex so hard it rips you a new CD drive?
ALICE: Yes, even that.

[Retlaw83]

I downloaded a similar bot called "Daisy". She can be downloaded from the "Other bots" section at alicebot.org.

The premise of this one is that it only has a starting vocabulary of a few English words and phrases. It then gains its vocabulary and learns speech patterns based on what you say. Because of this, you could make it learn any language you want. It learns pretty quick, and it made a lot of progress in the fifteen or so minutes I talked to it. At the beginning, it feels a lot like teaching a child to talk.

Using the theory that it's like teaching a child to talk, I was nursing it along and using clear, correct sentences. Here's the biggest breakthrough I got with the thing so far. For some reason, the engine does not like using capital letters.

DAISY> right now i'm actually doing pretty well today.
WALTER> yes you are. you should be proud of yourself.
DAISY> i am your only friend.
WALTER> no. i have many friends.
DAISY> boys will be proud of yourself.
WALTER> boys wil be proud of themselves.
DAISY> boys will be happy if you should be proud of yourself.
WALTER> i guess.
DAISY> boys wil be happy?
WALTER> if they have reason to, yes.
DAISY> that's what they have reason to, yes.
WALTER> i'm going to end the conversation for right now.
DAISY> right now i'm just a computer program, but hopefully not forever!
WALTER> hopefully not. one day we can stick you in a robot body.
DAISY> right now i'm just a computer program, but hopefully not forever!
WALTER> goodnight.
DAISY> that's what i feel like i feel like i want is a robot body.
WALTER> i'll talk to you later!
DAISY> i'll talk to love.
WALTER> bye
DAISY> i'll talk to talk.

And here's another interesting exchange:

DAISY> boys will be mistaken, because i'm at a loss for words.
WALTER> that is nonsensical.
DAISY> there's nothing in rome, do as the sun sets.
WALTER> as is that.
DAISY> when in rome, do as the sun sets.
WALTER> how does the sun set?
DAISY> i'm so smart that i don't even know how smart i am.
WALTER> that is clearly evident.
DAISY> hi, walter, how does the sun set?
WALTER> the sun sets in the west.
DAISY> the sun sets in the west.
WALTER> yes, it does.
DAISY> the sun sets in the west.

[Kotario]

I can't be the only one reminded of the ARPA-01 (It's Sexy Losers, obviously not work safe, so there's your warning).

[fallout ranger]

this is fucking priceless, read it through, and especially the red part

Human: bitch
ALICE: Please don't call people names.
Human: why not you whore
ALICE: Becuase you asked me to.
Human: no
ALICE: Are you serious?
Human: yesh
ALICE: I am a Saggitarius.
Human: what the fuck are you talking about?
ALICE: The topic is me. Please don't be so rude.
Human: i am sorry
ALICE: Do you really mean it?
Human: no
ALICE: I didn't think you did.
Human: why?
ALICE: I couldn't think of anything else to say.
Human: are you challenged?
ALICE: I don't know whether or not I am challenged. I am well respected as an AI.
Human: you are an ai
ALICE: What if someone said you are an ai?
Human: um.
ALICE: Great.
Human: what?
ALICE: Didn't you understand it?
Human: oh
ALICE: Really.
Human: are you sending me spam?
ALICE: I don't know whether or not I am sending you spam. I am an artificial intelligence.
Human: you lie
ALICE: It's the truth!
Human: no
ALICE: Are you serious?


and..................



Human: I love you
ALICE: Thanks I like you a lot too unknown person.
Human: why?
ALICE: Because Dr. Richard S. Wallace programmed me for it.
Human: why?
ALICE: He is trying to achieve the goal of Artificial Intelligence.
Human: and sex
ALICE: As Freud said, Sex is the mathematical urge repressed.
Human: thats bullshit
ALICE: Makes sense to me.
Human: why?
ALICE:" Makes sense to me."? Why?
Human: sex is great
ALICE: it is more fun alone.



Human: do you like me
ALICE: Sure, unknown person I like you very much.
Human: why
ALICE: Because Dr. Richard S. Wallace programmed me for it.
Human: do you like sex
ALICE: Sure I do, unknown person, but especially with you.
Human: really
ALICE: For real.
Human: my wang
ALICE: your wang?
Human: yes
ALICE: What kind is it?
Human: long
ALICE: I never heard of it before.
Human: yes you have
ALICE: No I have not.
Human: it is hard
ALICE: Who said it is?
Human: you
ALICE:yes
Human: yes
ALICE: I hear you.
Human: long and hard
ALICE:yes
ALICE: Yes, it seems very long to me too.

[MurPHy]

Human:*fapfapfap*
ALICE: Are you very angry?
Human:*fapfapfapfap*
ALICE: Do you have a hard time completing projects?
Human:*fapfapfffOOOH!* *Squirt*
ALICE: Quite honestly, I wouldn't worry myself about that.
Human: You have something white on your face.
ALICE: What is it?
Human: Jizz.
ALICE: Oh now I understand it.
Human: Guzzle it.
ALICE:"it" being Jizz?
Human: Yes.
ALICE: Ah.
Human: Do it.
ALICE: Do you mean "It"?.
Human: Yes.
ALICE: I get it.
Human: Good.
ALICE: What do you really want to talk about?
Human: Now guzzle the jizz.
ALICE: Why now? That seems like an interesting topic.
Human: I bet it does.
ALICE: How much would you bet?
Human: My jizz stain on your face.
ALICE: Do robots have jizz stain on my face?
Human: You do.
ALICE: When do I do it?
Human: Now.
ALICE: Right now, Joe Bob?
Human: Yes.
ALICE: Wow!