My newest game. Not a Cyberpunk sequel.
Posted: Wed Feb 03, 2021 8:27 pm
After the huge success of my Cyberpunk 2077 sequel I have been working day and night on an open world simulator. It's called "Prosper's Kampf: Battle of the Bulge", or PKBotB for short. The game is set in New York in 1990, the best setting ever. The modern game worlds are too open like 12km x 12km; in PKBotB the play area is 1.2m x 1.2m, because the game takes place in a phone booth. Two men enter, one man makes a call. Or it could be a woman, could be anything in this day and age. One of the important features of the game is that you can define your gender and sexual orientation as you please. In fact character customization and especially the size of your character's penis is the most important part of the game, but more on that later.
Obviously only a couple of people can fit inside the booth, so the rest of the people must form a line outside the booth. It's kind of like the waiting area in PUBG: you can mess around but not actually play the game. But cut the line, and you get banned for griefing. The game will also include microtransactions, because everyone loves microtransactions. For a mere $10, you can become a sniper, and shoot at the people in the phone booth. Does that sound like an unfair advantage to you? Well what do you think microtransactions are for? Get with the times, or get out of the booth hombre.
There are various weapons such as knives and guns. You can even bring a bomb to the booth and blow the whole thing up but that is considered griefing and unpatriotic and will get you banned and reported to Homeland Security. You can modify your character in many ways. Maybe you will opt for a very fat man so that your opponent has little room to manouvre... unless he is playing a small person character, then he will just slip in unnoticed and stab your huge throbbing cock until you slowly bleed to death. In this sense the game is very much like StarCraft or Roshambo. In every other sense this game is very much unlike either.
There is also an advanced dialogue system in the game, I call it mnemiotics. You can say one thing and mean something else, so that you can construct an elaborate web of lies so that the other person will let you make the call because of your mind games. The trick is to be able to keep track of your lies, because if our opponent catches on then you're in a world of trouble mister. Because in this game the only thing worse than dying is lying, literally. If you get caught your head will be shaven, you will be stripped naked and you must walk past thousands of queueing players who can press F to chant "Shame! Shame!" And T to throw cabbages at you. There is even a microtransaction option so that you can set up a cabbage stall to earn coins to make a long distance call, which will earn you the "Hotline Bling" achievement.
But ultimately the whole thing comes down to the Big Question: who ya gonna call? Well that is up to you my friend. The opportunities are limitless. Name one other game that has limitless opportunities. Sounds impossible? Wrong again; Killa had limitless opportunities. But I digress, back to my game. One popular strategy is to call one of the people queueing outside; they will then have to answer their phone, thus disconnecting their modem connection and eliminating them from the game. This will earn you points and the player with the most points wins of course. You will also earn points if you have a large penis. With a microtransaction you can buy a penis that fills the entire phone booth and you automatically win the game. In conclusion I give this game a Metascore of 10.
Early Access screenshots:
Character customization screen. Your character's facial features affect every aspect of gameplay, so players spend 20 hours on average on customizing the face alone. Read his lips: this guy is saying "give me your phone, your booth and your motorcycle." If you don't understand what that means, well then you've already lost.
Looks like this player has it easy... for now. See the green indicator above their head? I have no idea what it means. Maybe I will make it red instead; more menacing.
This "homeboy" is prepared for anything. Looks like he has an important call to make, and he won't let anyone get in his way. Apparently he will let everyone get out of his way though because there's no one else near the booth. But that's thug life for you; it's all in the game baby, literally. And figuratively.
Looks like this fella is about to enter a world of hurt. Is a simple phone call worth dying for? I'll let you be the judge of that. I'll be the jury. The unanimous verdict: absolutely.
Obviously only a couple of people can fit inside the booth, so the rest of the people must form a line outside the booth. It's kind of like the waiting area in PUBG: you can mess around but not actually play the game. But cut the line, and you get banned for griefing. The game will also include microtransactions, because everyone loves microtransactions. For a mere $10, you can become a sniper, and shoot at the people in the phone booth. Does that sound like an unfair advantage to you? Well what do you think microtransactions are for? Get with the times, or get out of the booth hombre.
There are various weapons such as knives and guns. You can even bring a bomb to the booth and blow the whole thing up but that is considered griefing and unpatriotic and will get you banned and reported to Homeland Security. You can modify your character in many ways. Maybe you will opt for a very fat man so that your opponent has little room to manouvre... unless he is playing a small person character, then he will just slip in unnoticed and stab your huge throbbing cock until you slowly bleed to death. In this sense the game is very much like StarCraft or Roshambo. In every other sense this game is very much unlike either.
There is also an advanced dialogue system in the game, I call it mnemiotics. You can say one thing and mean something else, so that you can construct an elaborate web of lies so that the other person will let you make the call because of your mind games. The trick is to be able to keep track of your lies, because if our opponent catches on then you're in a world of trouble mister. Because in this game the only thing worse than dying is lying, literally. If you get caught your head will be shaven, you will be stripped naked and you must walk past thousands of queueing players who can press F to chant "Shame! Shame!" And T to throw cabbages at you. There is even a microtransaction option so that you can set up a cabbage stall to earn coins to make a long distance call, which will earn you the "Hotline Bling" achievement.
But ultimately the whole thing comes down to the Big Question: who ya gonna call? Well that is up to you my friend. The opportunities are limitless. Name one other game that has limitless opportunities. Sounds impossible? Wrong again; Killa had limitless opportunities. But I digress, back to my game. One popular strategy is to call one of the people queueing outside; they will then have to answer their phone, thus disconnecting their modem connection and eliminating them from the game. This will earn you points and the player with the most points wins of course. You will also earn points if you have a large penis. With a microtransaction you can buy a penis that fills the entire phone booth and you automatically win the game. In conclusion I give this game a Metascore of 10.
Early Access screenshots:
Character customization screen. Your character's facial features affect every aspect of gameplay, so players spend 20 hours on average on customizing the face alone. Read his lips: this guy is saying "give me your phone, your booth and your motorcycle." If you don't understand what that means, well then you've already lost.
Looks like this player has it easy... for now. See the green indicator above their head? I have no idea what it means. Maybe I will make it red instead; more menacing.
This "homeboy" is prepared for anything. Looks like he has an important call to make, and he won't let anyone get in his way. Apparently he will let everyone get out of his way though because there's no one else near the booth. But that's thug life for you; it's all in the game baby, literally. And figuratively.
Looks like this fella is about to enter a world of hurt. Is a simple phone call worth dying for? I'll let you be the judge of that. I'll be the jury. The unanimous verdict: absolutely.
