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Stalagmite
Wandering Hero
Wandering Hero


Joined: 26 Feb 2009
Posts: 1192
Location: IN YOUR PANTS AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Sat Sep 11, 2010 4:16 am Reply with quoteBack to top

jetbaby wrote:
Stalagmite wrote:
Junktown Commando wrote:
Kashluk wrote:
'Sol Invictus' as in Rex, right?
On topic…
Who’s Rex?


I've gathered that he's the guy in "POOPERSCOOPER"s avatar. Pooper may not be the bet of posters, but he sure knows how to preserve old shit.


Who are you? You're not old enough to know the horrors of Rex.

By all means, sing me a tale, Johnny Boy. I got all fucking day.
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jetbaby
Mamma's Gang member
Mamma's Gang member


Joined: 18 Jan 2004
Posts: 4186
Location: Magical Island

PostPosted: Sat Sep 11, 2010 4:55 am Reply with quoteBack to top

No, seriously, who are you?
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Stalagmite
Wandering Hero
Wandering Hero


Joined: 26 Feb 2009
Posts: 1192
Location: IN YOUR PANTS AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Sat Sep 11, 2010 5:02 am Reply with quoteBack to top

I've lurked for a while, always been fascinated by this dump for some fucked up reason, so I figured I may as well jump on board.
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Retlaw83
Goatse Messiah
Goatse Messiah


Joined: 17 Jul 2004
Posts: 5327

PostPosted: Sun Sep 12, 2010 1:11 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Now that we know who you are, tell us why you are. We're going to need a two thousand word essay on the meaning of life before you get your DAC card.
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gobbleykins
Vault Veteran
Vault Veteran


Joined: 25 Feb 2010
Posts: 321
Location: Canada

PostPosted: Sun Sep 12, 2010 3:45 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Retlaw83 wrote:
Now that we know who you are, tell us why you are. We're going to need a two thousand word essay on the meaning of life before you get your DAC card.

it has to include the word "aardvark" and the phrase "I like to have sex with men"
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Stalagmite
Wandering Hero
Wandering Hero


Joined: 26 Feb 2009
Posts: 1192
Location: IN YOUR PANTS AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Sun Sep 12, 2010 4:32 am Reply with quoteBack to top

How about I just try my luck with both your mums and call it good, eh? Sometimes the effort's worth a thousand words a piece it is.
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Retlaw83
Goatse Messiah
Goatse Messiah


Joined: 17 Jul 2004
Posts: 5327

PostPosted: Sun Sep 12, 2010 5:03 am Reply with quoteBack to top

My mom lost her vagina in Vietnam, so you're not going to weasel your way out of this essay.
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Burning Oasis
Desert Wanderer
Desert Wanderer


Joined: 09 May 2010
Posts: 488
Location: Coddingtown

PostPosted: Sun Sep 12, 2010 5:32 am Reply with quoteBack to top

I remember 'Nam.
'Naaaaaaaaaaaam.
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Stalagmite
Wandering Hero
Wandering Hero


Joined: 26 Feb 2009
Posts: 1192
Location: IN YOUR PANTS AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Sun Sep 12, 2010 5:50 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Retlaw's Origin

It was the night before last I squeezed my way into the malignant jungles of outside of Huede city Vietconese laid wreckage splayed across my feet I scratched my sack as I counted down the remaining times that I would accomplish this feat. As I slung my M16 across the rear of my shouldered one armed whilst one hand clutching the rotted remains of my pubic area I braced myself for another ambush but advanced forward for knowing standing still was worse than moving, even if moving into certain death. "They're here, I just know it" That was Sargent Willy, who had a knack for speaking the obvious even in the face of certain death. "It hurts, it hurts real fucking bad" Is all I could manage to get out, regardless of the dire need for encouraging words. "What shall we do now, Sarg?" "We have no choice we can't stay here" As I counted to death and kept moving I couldn't help but notice that my nutsack region started swelling up even greater why is this happening I thought, I want to have children. The pain became unbearable, but this was no place to speak of such things. So I just kept clutching and clutching and trying to get it out of my head but it was no good. Before I could get lost in thought too much an explosion happened Sarg get hit in the chest and dies and before I knew it I was on the ground fighting for my life then the bullets stopped and everything went quiet. Not quite sure if I was alive or dead I checked for any hits saw none and saw several gook peoples running the opposite direction with AK47's. "Bastards" was all I could say. Everyone in my squad had died so I was left alone the rest of my platoon was 34 clicks away the equipment was lost so I was as good as stranded. Before I had time to think further I noticed that the pain in my groin was unbearable and the pain was becomming too immense to put off any longer, I was more afraid of looking at it than anything, as I started to feel movement throughout the swollen region. I reflected. Last night, I was with a vietnamese hooker, just a few kilometers away. I was determined to get even. I hiked the distance back without even a thought of enemy patrols. Just 2 things, the ever increasing swelling and pain on my groin, and my longing for revenge from this fucking bitch who gave it to me. I reached the hut pulled open the door. "Look what you gave me you bitch" I hauled down my pants and the smell that engulfed the room was the most intolerable thing you could ever smell, as the worlds worst rot, bacilli, and black maggots engulfed 6 in radius around my sack region, completely engulfing my cock into a ball of bacterial rat stew sewage. As the woman looked frightened I noticed something next to her, something was crawling on the floor, something that looked quite familiar, almost like something that resembled a disformed, maggot encrusted, ecolii stained, bacilli filled, rotting unbearably smelling NUTSACK. I was more unsurprised than I imagined, that thing couldn't have been more than 8 moths old, this bitch who destroys precious reproductive organs actually bred at some point. Just for kicks, I asked "Before I cut out your vagina tell me what the fuck that thing is you got there" Frightened, and seeing my nod at it it, all she could manage to do is sob and whisper one word that I would never forget: "Retlaw83" I pulled out my knife, put a smile on my face, and went to work.

Didn't count the words.

EDIT: Title


Last edited by Stalagmite on Sun Sep 12, 2010 7:24 am; edited 3 times in total
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Yonmanc
Hero of the Glowing Lands
Hero of the Glowing Lands


Joined: 23 Jun 2009
Posts: 2224
Location: Manchester, UK

PostPosted: Sun Sep 12, 2010 6:01 am Reply with quoteBack to top

No worries, I didn't read them.
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Burning Oasis
Desert Wanderer
Desert Wanderer


Joined: 09 May 2010
Posts: 488
Location: Coddingtown

PostPosted: Sun Sep 12, 2010 6:13 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Yonmanc wrote:
No worries, I didn't read them.
icon_dance
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SenisterDenister
Living Legend
Living Legend


Joined: 23 Apr 2007
Posts: 3086
Location: Cackalackyland

PostPosted: Sun Sep 12, 2010 6:13 am Reply with quoteBack to top

I applaud your effort to appease us, but unfortunately for you I didn't take the effort to read it.

You get an A to make up for time wasted, though.

Wheelie
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Stalagmite
Wandering Hero
Wandering Hero


Joined: 26 Feb 2009
Posts: 1192
Location: IN YOUR PANTS AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Sun Sep 12, 2010 6:39 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Retlaw's origin is best left unread I suppose.
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Retlaw83
Goatse Messiah
Goatse Messiah


Joined: 17 Jul 2004
Posts: 5327

PostPosted: Sun Sep 12, 2010 2:16 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Needs paragraphs and the grammar errors cleaned up, otherwise you're going to fail this class!

Also, you're 1,370 words short.
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Stalagmite
Wandering Hero
Wandering Hero


Joined: 26 Feb 2009
Posts: 1192
Location: IN YOUR PANTS AUSTRALIA

PostPosted: Sun Sep 12, 2010 4:00 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Oh well still gonna post. icon_chew
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